Happy Parents = Happy Kids!

By: Courtney Orr, Teen Parent Advocate

“Everyone has stress. There are both good stressors and bad stressors. Both have an effect on parents and children. Learning to cope with stress is something that we all must do. Children, however, do not have the experience or practice in dealing with stress. They watch and learn from their parents” (2005, Parents as Teachers National Center). Understanding your own stress and learning to deal with it in an appropriate fashion is the most effective way to model for your children. After all, if you cannot manage your own emotions, how do your expect your child to manage theirs?

The key to stress management is to take a realistic look at what’s happening in and around your life and try to recognize what it is that’s stressing you out. There are many factors that contribute to stress; these are called “stressors”. Stressors can be both physical and psychological. When you start to experience stress as an individual or as a parent, do NOT ignore it! Take some time to identify how your body tries to tell you when the stress is your life is starting to take its toll. In this article you will find a few tips to help you manage your stress and teach your children to learn by example and do the same.

What stress looks like:

Physical stressors: Many people experience physical symptoms such as chest pain, fatigue, muscle tension, sleeping problems, headaches, breathlessness, changes in appetite, though not all physical symptoms will be the same. For others emotional symptoms of stress will be their first tell tale signs that changes need to be made. Some common emotional symptoms of stress are anxiety, denial, depression, becoming easily upset, having difficulty making decisions, experiencing feelings of powerlessness or constant worrying. Alternatively, some people will first experience behavioral stressors, which will sometimes materialize through increased dependence on alcohol, tobacco, or other substances. Other behavioral symptoms of stress include neglecting appearance, crying, becoming “short” or “snappy”, withdrawing, avoiding responsibility, over or under eating, arguing with friends and family, and the list goes on…

Where stress comes from:

The next step in choosing how to deal with your stressors is to acknowledge where they are coming from. Most of us are more susceptible to certain stressors and they may change depending the day. Common reasons for stress are financial, environmental, family related, health or work related or stressors associated to the daily grind such as household responsibilities, car troubles, child care, mismanagement of time, traffic, etc.

How to “get a grip on stress”:

As a parent stress may seem like an unavoidable part of life, but you have more control than you think. This is your life…take charge, of your thoughts, emotions, schedule, environment, and how you choose to cope! Here are some tips to help you on your quest to manage stress and set a positive example for your children on how to be happy and healthy individuals:

• Invest in Your Relationships

Your relationships will be your saving grace in times of stress. When you are having a hard time it will more than likely be your friends, family, or significant other that you reach out to for support. Talking through your struggles or asking someone close to you for help is a healthy way to manage stress. Putting time and effort into your relationships is a great way to model healthy relationships and teach your children appropriate social skills. Investing in relationships may also extend to a larger scale, connecting with different groups and becoming involved with hobbies may help your child to feel more connected to their community.

• Let it Go!

If you can’t control something, don’t let it control you. You can’t change the 5 o’clock traffic jam or the choices of others. Instead of stressing about things beyond your control, focus on how you choose to handle those stressful situations.

• Live a Healthy Lifestyle!

Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals and get a little exercise. Leading a healthy lifestyle is an important factor in your child’s development, it will also improve your concentration, energy levels, patience, and ability to dedicate time to the things in your life that count.

• Focus on the Positives in YOUR life!

Celebrate your successes and the things in your life that you are proud of! This will be a great way to model self-confidence for your children.

• Prioritize

Remember that you don’t have to do it all! Make a list of what needs to be done now and then think about what can wait? Know what your limitations are and if possible say “no” to extra tasks.

• Share Your Feelings

Even if there is nothing you can do to change your situation, talking through your thoughts and feelings with someone from your support system can be helpful and make life feel more manageable. Sharing your feelings, shows people that you are human. In sharing you will also be teaching your children to express themselves better.

• Have Some Fun!

It’s incredibly easy to become so consumed with obligations that we often forget to turn up the radio, dance around the living room, and just live a little. Don’t forget that parenting can be fun and “fun” doesn’t have to mean long drawn out activities, play I Spy in the car, play dress up, or make some play dough and see how many shapes you can make! It is also important to make sure you can have fun without your children and set aside you time. Pick up a hobby, schedule a date night, or spend some time relaxing your way.

Now that you have identified where your stress is coming from, what changes will you make in the New Year to ensure that you are a “happy parent” with “happy children”?!


Courtney Orr has a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Human Services from Western Washington University and works as a Teen Parent Advocate in Deaconess' Teen Parent Advocacy Program (TPA).

TPA is an outreach program serving pregnant and parenting Snohomish County teens ages 13-20 and their children from birth to age five. Promoting positive parenting skills, healthy life choices and continued education, TPA empowers young parents to become self-sufficient, nurturing moms and dads.

Be the Change – Help Us Put Children First!

By: Kari Pendray, Parent Educator and Public Affairs Coordinator


Be the Change – Help Us Put Children First!

Join us for a 4-part interactive series on how we can find a solution to be the change we need in the world for children. Each week, we will move forward in the change process together for a common goal of putting “Children First.” Our inquiry begins with one question – “Why is it important to put children first?”

The Situation - Our Nation’s Children Are in Crisis

Before we can discuss solutions, it is necessary to understand the problem. In the last twenty years, not much has changed for children. Statistics of abuse and neglect are staggering. Unfortunately, however, we don’t really get to see much about this topic in the national media. The Every Child Matters Foundation reports that child abuse and neglect is a “national epidemic,” with over 2,500 deaths a year (see http://www.everychildmatters.org/home/coalition). Furthermore, this organization makes a bold claim that, “We are currently in a de facto blackout with the national media.”

The Cost to Our Nation

The estimated annual economic cost of child abuse and neglect was $103.8 billion in 2007 value (see
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/about_us/media_releases/pcaa_pew_economic_impact_study_final.pdf). These are the direct costs that go into intervention programs as a result of not investing in prevention. However, at the time of intervention, children have already experienced poor medical and mental health, poor school performance, risky and violent behavior, substance abuse and criminality. Children are our future. If we want our future to be bright, we need to act now and break the cycle of childhood abuse and neglect in the early years – before children experience these negative outcomes. By focusing on prevention, children will be healthy, safe, educated and better able to reach their potential in life, which will in turn allowing our nation’s to achieve its potential.

Information to Knowledge

We hear about the multitude of problems in our nation today, such as, war, poverty, school shootings, home invasions, healthcare crisis and corporate espionage. We have a choice on how to use this information. We can either choose to ignore it or be empowered by it. By being more intentional on how we obtain information, we can become more informed from a variety of sources. For example, when we see a story on a child who has been abused or neglected, how can we be a part of the change for the solution? How do we join together to shift our vision of a better future to focus on what is working well?

The Message of Change

Messages of change are a like a lighthouse that shines in the distance. We see the light from our ship in the sea amidst social, political and economic insecurity. One message remains clear, Americans have responded well to the message of change. We seem to agree that we want a brighter future for children, families and our community. This is good news! We have found common ground. If we are to seek change, we must first be the change. Here comes the interactive portion of this article. What do you think is working well with putting children first? Please share your response to this message of change?


About Deaconess Children Services:

Deaconess Children’s Services, founded in 1898, is the leading service provider of child abuse and neglect prevention programs in Snohomish County. Deaconess Children’s Services supports at-risk children and families with high impact, evidence-based prevention and early intervention programs that focus on building individuals’ strengths, positive relationships and supportive networks through parent education, child development and advocacy programs. To learn more, visit, http://www.deaconesschildren.org/ or call 425-259-0146.


 

From overwhelmed to more confident with the help of Project Safecare at Deaconess

Imagine being a single mother, caring for four children with a baby on the way, and feeling overwhelmed by the daily pressures of life and a house that has gotten out of control. When Jennifer began participating in Project Safecare there had been concerns about the safety of the home for her children. She also said that she had been having challenges with the behavior of her four and five year old sons, Jordan and Matthew. She said that they constantly fought with one another, screamed loudly when they did not get attention, destroyed their room, and ruined their mattresses. Jennifer and the children’s father were not sure what to do, but they knew they were in need of new tools to help them parent their children.


Those new tools came in the form of Deaconess Children’s Services’ Home Visitor, Kristine Siebens and an evidence based intervention known as Project Safecare. Project Safecare provides in-home support focusing on basic skills such as home safety, healthcare and parenting. Depending upon their commitment level, it takes anywhere from 15-21 weeks for families to complete the program. This family was committed to making changes.

Jennifer quickly finished the health curriculum and soon moved on to home safety. Her home was evaluated for safety hazards and she learned how to remove the hazards and make her home safer for her children. During that time, she had continued to have challenges with the children’s behavior. Every week Jennifer actively sought information about parenting, even before starting to work on that portion of the program. She and her Home Visitor, Kristine discussed setting up rewards charts for the boys to help encourage them to be kind to one another and set up chore charts for the older children.

When they began work on the parenting module, Jennifer was excited learned new skills to help to make challenging activities go more smoothly with Jordan and Matthew. As she progressed in the program, she began to praise the children more frequently. She also began to establish firm rules and follow through with the limits that she set. Jennifer began to notice positive changes in Jordan and Matthew’s behavior; they listened to her more and began to share more readily with one another. They also began to reduce their screaming and asked Jennifer for what they wanted, rather than demanding it.

Since graduating from the program, Jennifer says that when she is in new situations or feels overwhelmed and unsure how to handle a circumstance, she works through the steps from Project Safecare. She said she finds this process helpful. Jennifer continues to work through parenting challenges with Jordan, Matthew and her other children. She feels that with the tools she learned at Deaconess she is able to be a better parent.

What's in the glass?

Many of us have been asked the question, "Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?" The question is supposed to tell the asker how you view the world, as a pessimist or an optimist, as if one is better than the other. A naturally optimistic person, I see both perspectives as necessary, especially in the work that Deaconess Children's Services does. A healthy dose of optimism goes a long way. However, according Austrian researchers, "people in negative frames of mind are more alert to — and therefore more healthily suspicious of — their surroundings, compared to those in more positive frames of mind. A dose of pessimism seems to aid critical thinking." (September 2010; odemagazine.com)

The article, "In Defense of Pessimism," goes on to quote Julie Norem, a psychology professor at Wellesley College in Massachusetts, who believes pessimism can be a performance-enhancing state of mind. Norem cites the example of a public speaker who is always nervous before a performance. "Convinced that the next talk will be a disaster, the prospective speaker imagines tripping over the microphone cord, crashing the PowerPoint presentation, or forgetting large portions of her speech. Because she’s so worried, she puts extra time into preparation, with the result that every speech is a resounding success."

However, according to the article (here's the balance part), "pessimists still need a dose of optimism to see possible alternatives and develop strategies to pursue them." Optimism is healthy too. It can protect against depression and anxiety disorders and promote emotional resilience. Optimists generally have better physical health than pessimists as well. Optimism even helps us cope more effectively with stress, affecting the immune system in largely beneficial ways. Optimists generally have wide social networks, which can also confer additional health benefits.

It's important to remember that both optimists and pessimists are necessary in our world and in our work. If everyone always only viewed the glass as half full, we would be likely to make some drastic errors or have a skewed perspective. Pessimists force us to look at both the upside and the downside of every decision. In other words, we need people to see the glass as half empty.

Better yet, perhaps we need people to ask a different question altogether, "What's in the glass?"

Thank you, Merci beaucoup, Mucho Gracias, Grazie, Спасибо (Spasibo)

You get the idea...

On October 1, 2010, Deaconess Children's Services and 150 guests celebrated 113 years of putting children first at our 6th Annual Father and Mother of the Year Awards ceremony. The evening had a masquerade theme and included beautiful desserts, great raffle prizes, a wine auction, our trademark fashion show and inspirational speeches by teen father, Alex Arellano, Snohomish County Executive Aaron Reardon, our Father of the year, Manny Garcia and our Mother of the Year, Holly Leach. For the planning committee, the event was a huge success. Everyone who came was re-introduced to Deaconess' mission and the work carried out by staff and volunteers every day with and on behalf of local children...oh and there was also plenty of fun to be had.

Events like the Father and Mother of the Year Awards take countless hours of planning and immeasurable amounts of energy by staff and volunteers to "pull off". We at Deaconess Children's Services would like to say thank you to all those who helped make the event such a success:

Event Sponsors:
Union Bank
Panasonic Avionics Corporation
Princess Cruises & Tours
Renee's Contemporary Clothing
Whitfields Insurance
Goodwill Industries International, Inc.
Sierra Media
Accents in Glass
Ben Bridge Jewelers
Port Gardner Bay Winery
Middle Sister Wines
Felicia
Camille's Cupcakes
Pave' Everett
North Marysville Albertsons
Trader Joe's
Marysville Haggen's
Jennifer Lang
Gary Rhodes
Latinos Unidas

Models:
Sue Amber
Debra Andre
Teresa Arnett
Josie Decker
Carolyn Johnston
Renee Peterson
Sharon Snell
Dr. Michelle Steinhubel DDS

Event Volunteers:
Debbie Bivens
Crystal Davis
Jennifer Lang
Vikki King
Chase King
Al Warren
Peggy McMiller
Matt McMiller
Holly Murphy
Debbie Whitfield
Adela Leggett
Sue Ruscha

Deaconess Board of Trustees:
Gary Rhodes
Kate Reardon
Pat Dodson
Marilyn Hanan-Hoover
Felicia Freeman
Bryan Bird
Dick Harsin
Anne Hayes
Rev. J. Allan Ocampo

Deaconess Staff:
Janice Anderson
Felicity Abeyta
Teresa Abeyta
Chris Boyd
Gina Boyd
Chanelle Carlin
Felicia Freeman
Adrienne Hall
Steven Kemberling
Anna King
Jenny Martin
Kelly McClain
Sandy Neumann
Courtney Orr
Kari Pendray
Wyonne Perrault
Stacey Pfeiffer
Marie Preftes-Arenz
Angie Scharbau
Kristine Siebens
Jami Voigt

Each and everyone of you makes a huge impact. With your support, Deaconess Children's Services serves over 3,500 at-risk children, birth to 18 years, and their parents throughout our community. Using high impact, evidence based prevention and early intervention programs, Deaconess transforms the lives of children throughout the Pacific Northwest and breaks the cycle of child abuse and neglect.

Thank you SO much! Know that you matter and you make a difference.

Who makes up Deaconess Children’s Services?

Meet Child Development Facilitator, Kelly McClain

Deaconess is staffed by 9 full time staff, 9 part-time staff and hundreds of volunteers, who serve over 3,000 children and their parents each year and work to break the cycle of child abuse and neglect by providing high quality, evidence based prevention and intervention services.

While each program at Deaconess compliments the others, one of our programs by its very nature directly supports all the others…specifically, our Child Development Program. Child Development at Deaconess Children’s Services provides every child the opportunity to become unique, confident and caring individual through identifying and helping to develop their individual strengths, fostering their hope in becoming the greatest version of themselves. By providing a safe place, Child Development Facilitators at Deaconess create an environment where children can seek support, have fun, share their feelings, learn new ways to communicate, listen, learn, be creative and be accepted for who they are.

The child development staff and volunteers at Deaconess play a vital role in making the programs at Deaconess successful. One of these amazing people is Kelly McClain. For the past 3 years, Kelly has been one of Deaconess’ dedicated and committed Child Development Facilitators. In addition to weekly children’s groups, Kelly also provides weekly transportation to the families that we serve, ensuring the families make it to their classes safely and on time.

According to Deaconess Child Development Coordinator, Anna King, Kelly has dedicated her time each week caring for children of all ages primarily in the Incredible Years Parent Education Programs. Her passion for working with children and families radiates and becomes contagious to those working around her. Over the years, Kelly has developed skills working with challenging children, becoming a consistent positive role model. The children in these programs have been able to connect with Kelly and establish a healthy bond with her.

Kelly has another life outside of Deaconess too. She also has many years of experience coaching and teaching children’s theater. This experience and knowledge in theater have allowed Kelly to provide enriching new activities and adventures for the children. Kelly strives to use her knowledge, enthusiasm and passion to provide a fun, encouraging, supportive environment for these children each week.

From day one, Kelly has also been proactive in her efforts to create positive relationships with her fellow staff and volunteers, making her an exceptional leader all around. Kelly McClain has been a blessing to Deaconess, sharing her enthusiasm and outstanding dedication to the Deaconess Child Development program. We are thankful to Kelly and the entire Child Development team for their outstanding support of the Deaconess child.

Why We Give - Chris and Linnea Covington

By: Chanelle Carlin

For 113 years, Deaconess Children’s Services has been transforming the lives of children throughout Snohomish County and the Pacific Northwest. We have not done it alone, nor could we hope to. Like many organizations serving our community, Deaconess relies heavily upon the generosity of individuals and businesses that support our mission. With their donations, staff and volunteers at Deaconess are able to help make children’s lives safer and brighter, thereby ensuring their future as well as ours as a society. Two of these amazingly generous people are Chris and Linnea Covington, owners of Structural Design Associates and Port Gardner Bay Winery (of Everett, Washington). Chris and Linnea are very active in their community, supporting many organizations with their time, money and seemingly endless amounts of energy and enthusiasm.

I recently had an opportunity to speak with Chris and Linnea about their reasons for giving to Deaconess. Linnea, a psychologist, said she’s always been familiar with Deaconess. She has seen families struggling with many challenges come to Deaconess for support and within a short period of time those same families were experiencing success. Chris, on the other hand, was not as familiar with Deaconess personally. When asked why he feels compelled to give, Chris shared a story about his father who was a carpenter. His dad used to help neighbors fix items around their homes and build things they needed, but would never take any payment for his work. It was just his “little way of giving back,” which is exactly why Chris says he gives.

Well, Chris and Linnea, thank you. Thank you for helping Deaconess to transform the lives of children. While you may consider your efforts to be small gestures on your part, we consider them HUGE and we greatly appreciate your generosity and willingness to serve your community in all the ways you do.