“Everyone has stress. There are both good stressors and bad stressors. Both have an effect on parents and children. Learning to cope with stress is something that we all must do. Children, however, do not have the experience or practice in dealing with stress. They watch and learn from their parents” (2005, Parents as Teachers National Center). Understanding your own stress and learning to deal with it in an appropriate fashion is the most effective way to model for your children. After all, if you cannot manage your own emotions, how do your expect your child to manage theirs?
The key to stress management is to take a realistic look at what’s happening in and around your life and try to recognize what it is that’s stressing you out. There are many factors that contribute to stress; these are called “stressors”. Stressors can be both physical and psychological. When you start to experience stress as an individual or as a parent, do NOT ignore it! Take some time to identify how your body tries to tell you when the stress is your life is starting to take its toll. In this article you will find a few tips to help you manage your stress and teach your children to learn by example and do the same.
What stress looks like:
Physical stressors: Many people experience physical symptoms such as chest pain, fatigue, muscle tension, sleeping problems, headaches, breathlessness, changes in appetite, though not all physical symptoms will be the same. For others emotional symptoms of stress will be their first tell tale signs that changes need to be made. Some common emotional symptoms of stress are anxiety, denial, depression, becoming easily upset, having difficulty making decisions, experiencing feelings of powerlessness or constant worrying. Alternatively, some people will first experience behavioral stressors, which will sometimes materialize through increased dependence on alcohol, tobacco, or other substances. Other behavioral symptoms of stress include neglecting appearance, crying, becoming “short” or “snappy”, withdrawing, avoiding responsibility, over or under eating, arguing with friends and family, and the list goes on…
Where stress comes from:
The next step in choosing how to deal with your stressors is to acknowledge where they are coming from. Most of us are more susceptible to certain stressors and they may change depending the day. Common reasons for stress are financial, environmental, family related, health or work related or stressors associated to the daily grind such as household responsibilities, car troubles, child care, mismanagement of time, traffic, etc.
How to “get a grip on stress”:
As a parent stress may seem like an unavoidable part of life, but you have more control than you think. This is your life…take charge, of your thoughts, emotions, schedule, environment, and how you choose to cope! Here are some tips to help you on your quest to manage stress and set a positive example for your children on how to be happy and healthy individuals:
• Invest in Your Relationships
Your relationships will be your saving grace in times of stress. When you are having a hard time it will more than likely be your friends, family, or significant other that you reach out to for support. Talking through your struggles or asking someone close to you for help is a healthy way to manage stress. Putting time and effort into your relationships is a great way to model healthy relationships and teach your children appropriate social skills. Investing in relationships may also extend to a larger scale, connecting with different groups and becoming involved with hobbies may help your child to feel more connected to their community.
• Let it Go!
If you can’t control something, don’t let it control you. You can’t change the 5 o’clock traffic jam or the choices of others. Instead of stressing about things beyond your control, focus on how you choose to handle those stressful situations.
• Live a Healthy Lifestyle!
Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals and get a little exercise. Leading a healthy lifestyle is an important factor in your child’s development, it will also improve your concentration, energy levels, patience, and ability to dedicate time to the things in your life that count.
• Focus on the Positives in YOUR life!
Celebrate your successes and the things in your life that you are proud of! This will be a great way to model self-confidence for your children.
• Prioritize
Remember that you don’t have to do it all! Make a list of what needs to be done now and then think about what can wait? Know what your limitations are and if possible say “no” to extra tasks.
• Share Your Feelings
Even if there is nothing you can do to change your situation, talking through your thoughts and feelings with someone from your support system can be helpful and make life feel more manageable. Sharing your feelings, shows people that you are human. In sharing you will also be teaching your children to express themselves better.
• Have Some Fun!
It’s incredibly easy to become so consumed with obligations that we often forget to turn up the radio, dance around the living room, and just live a little. Don’t forget that parenting can be fun and “fun” doesn’t have to mean long drawn out activities, play I Spy in the car, play dress up, or make some play dough and see how many shapes you can make! It is also important to make sure you can have fun without your children and set aside you time. Pick up a hobby, schedule a date night, or spend some time relaxing your way.
Now that you have identified where your stress is coming from, what changes will you make in the New Year to ensure that you are a “happy parent” with “happy children”?!
Courtney Orr has a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Human Services from Western Washington University and works as a Teen Parent Advocate in Deaconess' Teen Parent Advocacy Program (TPA).
TPA is an outreach program serving pregnant and parenting
