Earthquakes, tsunamis, political unrest...the trauma and devastation being flashed upon our television and computer screens over the past few weeks (not to mention our smart phones, ipads and radios), has been significant. For those living through the trauma, our hearts and best wishes go out to them. For those of us watching from a distance, I thought it might be helpful to review a few quick tips on how to help support our children and young people as they process all the information being thrown at them.
Tip #1: Please limit the amount of screen time your children have.
Studies in the US currently indicate that on average, children are in front of a screen for about 7 hours per day (TV, computer, games, Wii, smart phones, etc.). While child development experts believe that this amount of screen exposure doesn't aid a child's development, at times like this, when much of what is on the screen is traumatic, they tell us can cause symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including nightmares, changes in behavior and emotional responses.
Tip 2: Listen to your children.
They are likely to have a lot of questions, such as: Why did this Earthquake happen? What causes a tsunami to wipe out a city? What will happen if the nuclear plant explodes? Will we feel it here? Can this happen to us? It can be overwhelming to be bombarded with questions like these. According to Dr. John Medina, developmental molecular biologist and author of "Brain Rules" and "Brain Rules for Babies," (http://www.brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby), children are 'rookie human beings' whose raison d'etre is merely to figure out how to survive in this world. If we keep this in mind, their questions seem much easier to handle.
Tip 3: Please be honest with your child.
If you're comfortable in your scientific knowledge, it's a great idea to answer your child's questions in a manner that they can comprehend. If not, it's also ok to tell them you don't know the answer. This is a great learning opportunity for you both - a trip to the library could be very helpful in gathering information and having time together, which in itself could help alleviate any concerns they're having. Perhaps you can work together with your child to develop a safety plan for your family and put together disaster preparedness kits. This can help them feel as though they are more prepared in case of an emergency here.
Tip 4: Rely on your strength - your child's love.
You are the most important person in your child's life and you know them better than anyone:
- They come to you when they're afraid to seek solace. Hug them. Spend a few extra minutes letting them know how much you love them and that you will do everything in your power to always keep them safe. If you're a person of faith and it helps you, pray with them.
- They come to you for information to increase their knowledge and security. Listen to them and talk with them, even when they're young. By giving them a chance to express their thoughts and feelings, you empower them and give them courage. For very young children, when you identify their feelings, you help them increase their vocabulary and their security. You might even find a way for your family to get involved with the Red Cross or another reputable disaster relief agency, http://www.redcross.org/ . This can again, help them and you, feel like they're being helpful to someone who's needs might be greater than theirs.
- Help your child by showing them that you are sometimes afraid too, and that it is ok.
For older youth, children whose parent(s) travel a lot, or even where one or both parents are deployed with the military, one might think these children are immune to fear, or "used to it." For some, this may in deed seem to be the case, while for others it may not be hidden so well. All children need to feel safe, but also to know that their concerns are valid and ok to feel. Often, they just need someone to listen.
The key is to recognize that all children need support and guidance, especially in times of uncertainty, and they rely on adults to give that support and guidance.
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Chanelle Carlin has over 25 years experience working with children and families both in the United States and internationally and currently works as the Vice President of Programs at Deaconess Children's Services in her hometown of Everett, Washington. Chanelle earned her Bachelor's degree in History from Portland State University in Oregon and her Master's Degree in Social Science from The Open University in Great Britain. Chanelle is also very active in her community. She serves as a Children's Commissioner on the Snohomish County Children's Commission, as a member of the Everett Rotary Club and Laureate Gamma Mu chapter of Beta Sigma Phi, as a Camp Fire Leader and as a member of the county, state and National Assns for the Education of Young Children.
Deaconess Children’s Services is a champion of hope and opportunity for children and their families, especially those in greatest need, empowering them to BELIEVE in a life full of possibilities. For more than 100 years, Deaconess has been transforming the lives of children in the
Listen, share, care...
ReplyDeleteListen to their concerns,
share the facts,
care about how they are feeling.
Kids matter, and parents can make the difference!
Great post Chanelle!
~Sheri