Engaging Fathers - For the Love of Our Kids

By: Chanelle Carlin, MA Soc. Sci., Vice President of Programs


If you’ve been kind enough to join our Father and Mother of the Year Cause on Facebook, you may have noticed some posts recently about how important it is to children that they have both their mother and their father involved in their lives. In fact, it is so important to their development as citizens that the right of children to have access to both their mother and their father is listed in the United Nations’ Convention on Rights of the Child, which is a legally binding instrument protecting the human rights of all children in the world.  At Deaconess Children’s Services, we are passionate about engaging and celebrating both fathers and mothers. Each has their own very important role to play in their children’s lives, and in helping their children develop. While mothers traditionally help kids learn nurturing behaviors, how to engage with others, develop their social and other so called ‘soft’ (yet vitally important) skills, fathers are more often the ones to teach pragmatism, cause and effect and an ‘acceptance of what is’.  Fathers tend to be seen as more about helping children learn physical skills like ball games, jumping, racing, touch football and wrestling, while mothers tend to seen as more likely teach sharing, taking turns, hugs, and kisses. Children need both sets of skills and therefore both parents, to help them develop and grow into balanced adults.  
Unfortunately, in the United States today, over 24 million children in the United States live apart from their biological fathers - that is 1 out of every 3 children (According to 2009 U.S. Census Bureau data). Compare this to 1960, when only 11% of children lived without their fathers. That is a 22% increase in absent fathers in 50 years! Because of this devastating statistic, we’d like to focus today’s blog specifically on dads. We’d like to share some research on how father’s positively impact a child’s development and why we at Deaconess and other agencies have to work specifically to help father’s participate more fully in their children’s daily lives.

We mentioned above that 33% percent of children in the US live without their fathers. According to research presented on the National Fatherhood Initiative website, the statistics are worse for “African American children, with nearly 2 in 3 (64%) living in father-absent homes.” Children from other ethnicities don’t fare as badly, but their numbers aren't great either: one in three (34%) Hispanic children, and 1 in 4 (25%) white children live without their dads. This doesn’t only affect the children though - 27% of dads who don't live with their kids report not having seen their children at all in the past year.

These numbers are significant for two reasons: a) monetary cost - each year the US government spends nearly $100 BILLION on programs such as child support enforcement and anti-poverty efforts to support father-absent homes; b)  societal costs - children who live without their fathers in their lives on a regular basis are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents. However, there is good news. According to “The Father Factor,” the official blog of the National Fatherhood Initiative, father absence is preventable! It doesn't have to be this way.

So, how do we get/keep fathers involved in their children’s lives? First, we must recognize the problem and make a commitment to affect change. Understand that most fathers desire to build stronger relationships with their children and want their children to do better than they did. Often, however, they just don’t know how.

There is more good news too. Over the past decade, fathers have been making great strides in relationships with their children:

*The number of stay at home dads has increased three times in that period;
*The number of dads who walked their children to school increased 16%;
*61% of dads read to their children;
*68% have visited their child’s class room; and
*More fathers, 20% more in fact, are reaching out to other dads for support and information.

This is great for kids and their dads. The more involved fathers are in their children’s daily routines, the more they know about their children’s activities. They receive more disclosures from their children about what’s important and dads report that they have better parenting skills and are more confident (Journal of Family Issues, 2007).
Here’s your task: Support fathers you know in making every effort to be with their children as often as possible. Encourage them to really get to know their children by playing with them, reading with them, going to their school functions, taking them to their doctor or dentist appointments and watching their sporting events. It truly matters to their children, to them as fathers and to our society.

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Chanelle Carlin has over 25 years experience working with children and families both in the United States and internationally and currently works as the Vice President of Programs at Deaconess Children's Services in her hometown of Everett, Washington. Chanelle earned her Bachelor's degree in History from Portland State University in Oregon and her Master's Degree in Social Science from The Open University in Great Britain. Chanelle is also very active in her community. She serves as a Children's Commissioner on the Snohomish County Children's Commission, as a member of the Everett Rotary Club and Laureate Gamma Mu chapter of Beta Sigma Phi, as a Camp Fire Leader and as a member of the county, state and National Associations for the Education of Young Children.

Deaconess Children’s Services is a champion of hope and opportunity for children and their families, especially those in greatest need, empowering them to BELIEVE in a life full of possibilities. For more than 100 years, Deaconess has been transforming the lives of children in the Pacific Northwest by breaking the cycle of child abuse and neglect and putting Children First! . To learn more, visit us at www.deaconesschildren.org, on facebook at www.facebook.com/deaconesschildren or call 425-259-0146.